Millions Of Bernie Supporters Jump To Their Deaths Rather Than Back Hillary
[Portsmouth, NH] Progressive candidate Bernie Sanders has officially endorsed Hillary Clinton as the nominee in a joint appearance bringing the Democratic primary to a conclusion. There was much relief among party figures, at least until they heard how his followers were responding.
Having declared that they would ‘rather die’ than support Clinton, millions of Bernie supporters are holding mass rallies on the rooftops of tall buildings and next to cliff faces, and promptly hurling themselves off them. Though Hillary has grown used to being hated by Republicans, the knowledge that vast hordes of Democrats would rather snuff out their young lives than get behind her vision of incremental liberalism did sting.